My later stuff only. I am working on incorporating more of who I am into it. I am part Caucasian (My mother was all Caucasian), part Latina (My dad was full Latino. My grandma was from Mexico.) My married name shelters the Rodriguez in my maiden name. Lately, I have been trying to reconnect to the roots I felt denied. It wasn’t my parents fault, they wanted to make me appear as white as could be. No one seeing me thinks I am half Latina at all.
Some of that culture still came to me though because I grew up in an all hispanic neighborhood. My father worked for a meat plant that was popular for many hispanics to work at, and so my schools and environment were highly influenced by the area I lived in.
I know why my parents did it, people see me and have no idea I am part anything, I’m just all white to them. No bias. It also means, I see bias I wish I didn’t see either, or know about. I also don’t full out want to put out Hispanic books because I don’t speak Spanish.
But yeah, you can read it again. I don’t speak fluent Spanish. I wasn’t really allowed to learn, my mom at least shunned it. She encouraged us to learn anything else for the foreign language credits too.
So, I chose French. One day, I hoped that one day I would feel comfortable enough to go against their wishes. Even when I tried though, I still had this voice in my head saying ‘what would they think of you right now?’
I am old enough now, that voice is long gone. I am trying to learn Spanish now, and I am trying to use the French ‘bridge’ between to help me with it. It’s so much easier to learn when you are younger, I know that, but that’s why I took French. If I at least trained my mind to think differently a little, hopefully I could get into speaking Spanish one day.
I hope I can. I really want to. Anyhow, that is why you see small splashes in my most recent writing. Not very much though. Just enough. Like how I grew up.